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  • Writer's pictureWifey

2011 - The Soulmate Summit and Dating with Intention

Updated: Dec 14, 2019

I was forty-two and still single, so I decided I needed to get serious about dating and how to find a life partner. The way I had been dating up to this point had not been working for me. Luckily, I stumbled across an online dating seminar, called “The Soulmate Summit” which was hosted by Arielle Ford and Claire Zammit.

This online seminar was held February 14-24, 2011 and had presentations on dating and relationships by a wide variety of authors, relationship experts, therapists, life coaches, etc.

I loved this seminar and took extensive notes. Below are some of the key concepts from my seminar notes that hit home with me:

“Ah-ha!” #1 courtesy of Arielle Ford and Claire Zammit:

  • Define and love yourself as you are and recognize that practice is the foundation for all other relationships.

  • Clarify what you don’t want…and transform those negative statements into powerful positive statements. For example: “I don’t want a cheater.” becomes “My soulmate is loyal and monogamous.” Seriously think about the traits your soulmate would have and what your life as a couple would look like.

“Ah-ha!” #2 courtesy of Dr. John Gray:

  • Women are designed to have strong reactions. They are meant to see the little details and react to smaller/littler things. They know it’s little. Men see the bigger things. Lions, tigers and bears. They just want to let go and forget the little things. Women need to talk through it as a process to diffuse the emotion. Talking releases serotonin and relaxes the limbic system and allows women to feel better right away. Men are different…big problems stimulate dopamine and that triggers him to want to act. If the partner is emotionally charged, he reacts like it’s a big thing and wants to act. This causes miscommunication. Men and women need a gender intelligence so that you do not unknowingly turn each other off.

  • There are four types of chemistry:

  1. Physical (sexual attraction)

  2. Emotional (you LIKE them – which can grow into love)

  3. Mental (you find them interesting – you are drawn to them, admire them, want to get to know them, etc.)

  4. Soulmate – when you have all of the above three and feel so aligned, you can feel a real unconditional love with that person. You generally get this feeling of, “I want to be with you forever and share my life with you.” It’s an unlimited feeling. It opens within you after you discover the above three chemistries. You can feel a soul chemistry without the other chemistries, but that person would not be the right one for you. For a soulmate, you have all four types.

  • You can love someone, but they can have a different journey – you need to find the person who is right for you at the right time. Timing is key. Keep following your heart and trust that if you are authentic to yourself things will unfold as they are meant to unfold.

“Ah-ha!” #3 courtesy of Alison Armstrong (my favorite presenter! – so much of what she said resonated with me):

  • You’ll know he’s ready by his reaction to YOU saying that you are looking to get married. Watch closely – men are warriors and warriors naturally try to conceal everything. The signs are subtle. Does he say, “Yes, me too!” That’s a guy who is looking and ready to get married. If he says, “I’m open,” it means he’s attracted to you and doesn’t want to send you away but he’s not ready. It just literally means that he could see himself getting married to somebody someday. (Not necessarily YOU.)

  • Believe other people when they tell you they are looking for something different.

  • Keep checking…are you being yourself and telling the truth? If you have a spiritual connection and not just a chemical attraction, women express themselves. You tell him your dreams, what you need, setting boundaries, etc. When it’s a chemical reaction, you’ll start to contort and try to present yourself as whatever you think he wants you to be and hiding the things you don’t think he’ll like.

  • Identify your “deal breakers” – what can’t you live with? And what can’t you live without?

  • Loving other people is relatively easy. But more importantly do you love who YOU are when you are with them?? That’s the question. A soulmate is someone you can be yourself with, share unconditional love, and feel at “home” with. Don’t warm up or wait to get to know someone before you be yourself. Fly your flag and be yourself up front. We don’t have a finding problem, we have a sorting problem!! There is no scarcity. Know yourself and the men will sort themselves for you. They will either say yes to you, or they will say no thank you and save you the work.

  • Four qualities that allow men to be charmed and enchanted:

  1. Self-confidence – which is difficult for women

  2. Authenticity – men read “real” 100 yards out

  3. Passion – about anything!! Be a passionate person.

  4. It’s critical – receptivity!! The ability to receive. The first three draw them in, but without the fourth, they’ll take off. Be receptive to who they are and what they can give. One of the worst things we can do to a man is to NOT allow him to make you happy.

I was all in! I took all the information presented in the Soulmate Summit, did the homework they suggested and I changed the way I had been doing things in my dating life. I revamped my online profile and approached my dating with intention. On March 15, 2011, after emailing and talking on the phone for a couple of weeks, I met my now hubby in person for our first date.

As soon as I walked into the restaurant, I saw him sitting in the lobby, waiting for me. My first impression was what a sweet face he had…something about his personality or spirit seemed to just shine through…his face had a glow! And he was a big guy – 6’4” and a very much a gentle giant. That evening I was relaxed and more myself than I think I’d ever been on a first date. I was very open and forthright about what I was looking for in my dating and in a life partner. I put all my cards on the table. I think hubby was taken aback at first, but then he got excited and we had a wonderful, frank and very open conversation. For four hours we sat and talked! About everything…from our thoughts on family, finances, life values, and our relationship deal breakers, to work and retirement goals, hobbies, our views of gender roles in relationships, religion, politics, and on and on. He was the most intelligent and interesting man I’d ever met. He had a calm confident energy and he was a gentleman in the truest sense of the word.

After our a date he called to make sure I got home safely, and he told me, “I know it’s really fast, but you are the one for me! I’ve taken my dating profile down and want you to know I don’t want to date anyone else. It’s really fast, so I completely understand if you want to keep dating other people – just let me know, because I want to make sure I can get on your calendar.” I was surprised – no one had ever said anything like this to after a first date! LOL!! And I was thrilled - I felt that same attraction and excitement for hubby. I wasn’t as sure from the beginning that he was “the one,” that came a little later for me, but from the first I knew he was someone very special (again, he glowed) and I wanted to spend more time with him. So that was that! I let the other guys I’d been chatting with know I had met someone, and I also took my dating profile down.

Crazy as it sounds, after one date we were courting. (Dating with the intention to marry.) Well after one Soulmate Summit and one date. ;-)

For a full listing of the Soulmate Summit presenters and their work check out

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Dec 19, 2019

Awwww!! Thank you! I appreciate all the love! It is for sure the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I want a happy, fulfilling life for both of us - individually and as a couple - but it takes SO much work. I'm just trying to figure it all out and learn what is possible in our new situation. Most days I'm hopeful! Most days. 😉


I really love you two. It makes me sad that your love was so strong and so pure and this is how it is now.... you're a special soul and thank you for still loving your friend/lover! I know it's different now but I love the beginning of the ride, wish it took a different turn. You deserve the world lady! You're an amazing human being


Dec 18, 2019

I never knew either! LOL! I had never really thought about what I wanted in a partner - only what I didn't want. Turns out if you don't know what you want, you'll never get it! LOL!


Dec 14, 2019

Never realized there was such a science to dating - explains why I was always such a failure! Great information for those looking. Another terrific post.

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